First off, Happy new year and other holidays and what not, to all. As I browsing through DA as is my custom, I couldn't help but remember that I have yet to actually submit any artwork of my own to this site (yes I am an artist), and that's just plain lazy on my part. Not to mention the fact that I get depressed whenever I remember that I'm nowhere near as awesome as the Deviants I watch, but I end up feeling like a hypocryte whenever I find myself agravated at a deviant who has almost no art posted, or deviants who haven't postedfor a while. ...aaaand I haven't really "drawn' anything as it were for a good "way-to-damn-long-to-justify-my-staying-on-this-site-as-a-member"
THAT"S IT!!!! I'm making a new year's resamalution to draw EVERY SINGLE DAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!! (woot!)


....Okay now that I think about that, it seems almost entirely impossible for me! I mean WHAT THE HELL! I have Finals for the semester in about a week, a bad cold, and my parents are complete Goddamned IDIOTS, who have seem to ONLY give a rat's ass about what my intrests are around christmas and my birthday, and even THEN they always fuck up at least ONE GIFT EACH, by getting my some thing that I either already HAVE (this year it was Greenday's "Nimrod"), or something that generic and insincere, and was most likely purchased to act as a shot in the dark to my true wants, and until christmas morning was simple under-the-tree-fodder, that teased and taunted me, having me live under the sweet delusion that THIS year, THIS year would be differant, that I would have had a comprehensive list of what I want and that my family had seen and copied the list, and that they actually TALKED to each other to make sure that no one got me something that I already have or that just wouldn't be used, and that all the stuff I REALLY WANTED for christmas, would be the stuff that I DID get for christmas. Not the stuff I put on my birthday list the next FUKIN' DAY!!!!! BUT, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, THEY ALWAYS FUCK IT UP!! TWICE EVERY FUCKING YEAR!!! I ALWAYS END UP PANICING WHENECER PEOPLE ASK ME WHAT I WANT, AND I ALWAYS LOSE THE LIST, AND THEY ALWAYS GET ME THE DUMBEST FUNKING SHIT!!!!!AND I ALWAYS HAVE TO ACT LIKE I'M SO FUCKING GREATFUL FOR IT ALL!!! i MEAN WHO THE FUCK WANTS A DANCING ELECTRONIC STICK FIGUE IN A MAGNETIC FUCKING CUBE???!!!!?!?!?!!?! GOD-FUCKING DAMMIT!!!! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE IN MY FAMILY KNOW ME!!!! Why did my parents have to drift so FUCKING far away from me after the divorce?! Why di dthey have to get so FUCKING absorbed in thier OWN useless SHIT, instead of raising ME, intead of helpping me with never getting my homework done, instead of helping me with how I felt rjected at school, and how I never had any friends, why did they let me eat so much worthless SHit and get fat? even WORSE, WHY THE FUCK DID MY DAD HAVE TO TELL ME THAT I WAS FAT!!!! You just don't SAY things like that to yourown child, i's just CRUEL, AND SICK AND HURTFUL!!!! GODDAMMIT I SHOULD'VE CALLED THAT SOCIAL WORKER WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!!!

note: If this pisses you off becuase you don't want to listen to other people talk about thier problems, then you don't have to read it, I use places like these to express the things in my life that I think about all day, but can't say to anyone, for fear of being psychologically destroyed by my father, and eventually have to lie and "admit" that I'm to young and stupid to know when someone's hurting me, and then lie straight to his face and say that everythings ok, and nothing's wrong, and that I'm happy. The truth is, that if I had no one else but my dad, I would have either killed myself at this point, or be in an asyllum after having pleaded insanity for attempted (or sucsessful) patricide. You don't give a Fuck about my problems, fine. All I wanted was to say what I felt without ending up a liar, or feeling like a piece of shit, I'm not demanding you to read my journal, I am only asking the respect that i deserve as a person.
Thank you
-Zander




P.S Please do not report me to the Authorities I do NOT want to kill my father, I have only been intimidated and bullied by his authority, that for a time, I honestly thought that it, was either him or me. And for a long time I thought that it would have to be me...